What has happened to Roger Federer?  The once almost unbeatable Swiss tennis star has looked unthinkably average this season.  We tennis fans have seen enough.
 
Some sources report that Federer struggled though a case of Mononucleosis earlier this year which sapped his energy and hampered his play. Other sports writers have mentioned the word "slump."  No Way.  Rog Fed does not have a slump, EVER.  Roger dominates.  Other sources floated notions of injuries, ailments, and some people even had the goofishly stupid notion that Roger had lost his edge. Foolishness.

In an effort to understand this unsolved uber-mystery, scholars not from Harvard and Yale formed a distinquished panel of research specialists drawn from various fields of science (physics, chemistry, biology, mathematics, sports science, medicine, phsychology, etc) working together to study the baffling decline in Roger Federer's game in 2008.  After months of research, tests, field work, examinations, etc., the committee formed again and published their conclusions.  The Results are staggering.  The following represents a brief summary of the research and conclusions of the Study, which was recently published in the Journal of Sports Systems and Environmental Affairs.

Roger Federer has struggled in 2008 because of GLOBAL WARMING.

  
  
 The leading physiscist on the team, Auxford University Theoretical Physicist Wilbert Hulbartware expressed excitement and surprise at the conclusion of the study.  "This is the most groundbreaking study I have seen in 20 years.  This is right up there with quantum mechanics and the opposable thumbs."  Stanfort professor Angie Grahams agreed, adding that while it is exciting, "The conclusion is also a little disconcerting.  What else is global warming going affect?  First Roger Federer, what is next?  Petting zoos?  You tell me."

The scientists participating in the study on Roger Federer each concentrated on their particular fields and then meshed the research into a comprensive report that has generated Nobel Prize talk among the experts.  Scientist Weekly magazine says that recognition is due considering the amount of cooperation and coordination between so many brilliant minds.  Cambritch University Organic Chemist Dooley O'toole agrees.  "On a day to day basis these are my competitors but we put aside our scientific grievances and worked together based on a mutual respect for Roger Federer and all that the has done for the world of winners."

The actual research used an understanding of the fact of global warming as its starting point relying heavily on the research of Al Gore.
 
 World respected environmental biologists examined the various factors of global warming and its effects on the environment.




Using the information provided by the Environmental biologists and combining that information with quantum mechanics and other properties of physics, a team of physicists from Auxford and Yell created models showing the effects of global warming on physical properties, specifically regarding heat exchange.  See the following charts:




And in conjunction with Mathematicians from M.I.TE. the scientists worked out mathematically this theorem:



The raw information from these graphic illustrations and mathematical computation was then used with a basic understanding of the properties of heat transfer, shown in this example from NASA:



The next phase of the research had Organic Chemists, Moleclular biologists, and Al Gore working towards an understanding of how these environmenal and physical factors affect the living tissues of the body and how it functions.  Once scientists understood the chemical components of Roger Federer that make him awesome they were able to then look at how the physical changes in global warming chemically alter his biological makeup.  The graphics that follow show the basic elements of molecular chemistry involved in the study.





It was clear that there was a link to changes at the organic level and global warming.  Esteemed Johns Hapkins chemist Latimer Dorseye claims a "clear and irrefutable" link between global warming and the organic and molecular world of tennis exists.  The next phase of the research involved medical experts testing how the changes at the molecular level affect muscle activity, brain functions, etc.   A littany of tests were run at medical research facilities in the U.S. and in London. 

Margaret Wallis, M.D., found the results surprising.  The changes caused at the molecular level by the chemical instability brougth on by global warming significantly alter a persons ability to dominate at any one thing.  Wallis notes, "We are beginning to understand how the human body works in relation to the environment we find ourselves.  Now we know what led to Napoleon's defeat at Waterloo, Michael Jordan's failed baseball experiement, and Tiger Woods not winning the Masters tournament this year.  Global Warming.  It regulates anyone's ability to dominate for too long."  However, the study did conclusively find that Global Warming had no effect whatsoever on the New England Patriots historic collapse this past NFL season.  That was merely a choke.

There is some good news for those of you not on the ATP tour who enjoy the equally exciting but significantly less lucrative Mario Tennis.  The effects of global warming have not yet translated into a dropoff in talent at Mario Tennis.  You are safe for now.


Researchers will continue to examine the results of this study for years to better understand the relationship of global warming and dominant winning.  While there is a definitive link, researchers have yet to determine the extent and force of the connection.  The positive news is that, according to Neurophysicist James E. Hannigan, "the effects are not thought to be permanent."  That is great news for Rog Fed fans around the world.  He is in no "slump."  He is merely suffering one of the many negative effects of global warming that have been brought to our attention recently.  This is one more reason to clean up the air and care for our environment.  And don't stop buying tennis tickets from your local sports ticket broker.  With a little rest and some clean air, we can soon begin to see the Roger Federer that we are all accustomed to and love.  The dominant Roger Federer.  Winner.